Drumroll Please.....The Test Results Are In

I've been thinking about how I would start this post for a week now, hopefully i can convey what I mean well.

For the last two months I thought I was surely pregnant because of an absence of two menstrual cycles. Yet, I never had a positive at-home pregnancy test. Last week, I visited my primary care physician to find out what was going on with my body. Her initial diagnosis without any tests was Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome(PCOS) based upon the symptoms I had. She took some blood for some tests to rule out anything else that might be causing an absence of menstruation and the results came back today. Everything came back negative. I don't have any thyroid or kidney problems, nor do I have diabetes and I am grateful for that. So her conclusion was PCOS. I might have had this years but never knew it.

PCOS is when many small benign cysts grow on the ovaries causing irregular or even absent menstruation. It also causes problems with hormones. Women with PCOS often have an increased androgen hormone like testestorone. That increase causes excessive facial hair growth and acne. Other symptoms include, weight gain, hair thinning on top of the head, and even an increased risk of developing Type 2 diabetes. Because of the irregularity/absence of menstruation, there is also irregular or absent ovulation. So now that you've all gotten a biology lesson, this is what I have.

I have had a lot of these symptoms since the onset of puberty at age 12. But just recently was the absence of menstruation one of them. It feels good to know that I am not just a freak with very dark facial hair but there is an actual biological reason. However, what I wasn't prepared for is the fact that it probably will be hard for me to conceive again without medical intervention. Imagine my reaction as a 22-year-old that I would likely need medically intervention to get pregnant again. I was in shock to find that infertility would be an issue. Frankly, Morgan and I have been trying to get pregnant for a couple months now and I thought I would have been pregnant with the first try. I was only off birth control pills less than a month when Lorraine was conceived so I thought it would be the same now.

So what now? I have a set of five progesterone pills to jumpstart my cycle again and hopefully that will do the trick. Morgan and I will keep trying to get pregnant and hopefully I will get pregnant without Clomid or some other super ovulatory drug. I am going to try and lose the 25 pounds I put on over the last 5-6 months. Hopefully, my body will just regulate itself again. Even though this is not what I wanted to hear, I am glad that I finally found out what is going on with my body. I am grateful that I know what I need to do. I just need to get to work and do what needs to be done.

Gratitude

I realized today that sometimes all I do is complain. I am grateful that I have a roof over my head and food to eat and the clothes I wear. I am grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ that teaches me to be humble. I am grateful that I am able to gain a college education even though it makes for interesting scheduling demands. I am grateful for my husband who cares for me probably more than I know. I am grateful for my temple marriage and that my family is sealed for all eternity provided that I do the work to receive that blessing. I am grateful for my little girl who tests my patience each and every day. I really don't know what I would do without her now. I am grateful for my parents that bestowed upon me wisdom and knowledge, who gave me the greatest childhood I could dream of. I only hope that I am half as good a parent as they are. I am grateful for my siblings even though they (and I) could be such a pain sometimes. My siblings stuck by my side and I love them. I am grateful for my mother-in-law and yes my father-in-law too, who both have been there to support me. I honestly love my mother-in-law and I really lucked out that I didn't have a monster-in-law. I love my visiting teachers who make the effort to come an visit me each and every month. I am grateful for their friendship and fellowship. I am grateful that she called me today when she didn't see me at stake conference to tell me what had happened. I am grateful most of all of my Savior, even Jesus Christ, who has enabled me to be better than I could have ever imagined. I am grateful for the chances He gives me when I screw things up. I am grateful for His hand when I fall. I am grateful for the peace He brings me when I am sad, angry, or upset. I am also grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who reassures me when I feel like I am lost. I am grateful to be a part of a Church that has the full and restored truth and has the restored priesthood that was used to build and create this Earth and was used by Christ himself. I am grateful that Morgan is an honorable priesthood holder. I have much to be grateful for, and could go on for pages but this is where I will end.

Morgan lost his job tonight.....

The Rug Pulled Out From Under Us.....AGAIN!

Yesterday, Morgan was to receive payment for the courses he developed this summer. He worked for a month and a half on them and only got $1000.00 for it. To top it off, though, someone in payroll didn't have their act together and didn't get the paperwork off on time so that Morgan could be paid. It was so frustrating to look at the bank account Friday morning, thinking that we would pay rent that day and not seeing the money that was supposed to be there. It is really upsetting counting on a paycheck that doesn't come. This very thing has happened to us so many times, we budget based upon paydays, and then the money doesn't come and we are sent scrambling to pay the bills. How am I supposed to make a budget when I don't know if the next paycheck is actually going to come? Thankfully we had friends that trusted us enough to let us borrow enough to cover our rent and we had enough in our account to cover the rest of the bills without us having to put ANY bills on the credit card. However, what are we going to do next month when Morgan's student loan repayment begins? That's an extra $250.oo a month we have to come up with. Morgan and I have a month to find another job that will pay the bills in an economy that only has fast food jobs available. It's not that I think I am "too good" for them but they get treated like crap. I just don't have the emotional strength to go through a fast food job being talked down to when I have a college education.

We are in a losing battle staying in Nowhere, VA. There are very few jobs available here. Morgan has applied almost everywhere. But we don't feel that it is time to leave yet, because the Lord is pushing me to finish school. So what must be done? I don't have the answer to that yet.