Here are some more pictures from the photo shoot in October. More will be coming but I can only upload them one at time.....dunno why?

New Family Photos

Last Saturday, we went to Washington and Lee campus with a couple of student photographers. They had offered to take photos for our family in August, and I finally took them up on it. I don't know much about photography but I think they did a very professional job! Thanks Chris and Kenni!

Should I or Shouldn't I

On Friday night was the Homecoming Concert in which both Morgan and I played. Since it was combined with both choirs, the orchestra portion was only 20ish minutes long. So I decided to bring Lorraine. I made arrangements with someone ahead of time to watch her during our portion of the concert. Right as the concert was starting Lorraine decided to walk in front of the stage, because the person's daughter was watching Lorraine at the moment and didn't have enough sense not to let her do that. I am not mad at the girl, nor her parents. But today, I got reprimanded for bringing my daughter to the concert. I was basically told I needed to get a sitter for the next concert and Lorraine was not to come. That really hurt me because during the rest of the concert I was told that she was very good. I know that her attention span is small but I also knew that she could sit through our portion of the concert. I also feel as though I was unfairly singled out. There were other children at the concert that seemed to me more disruptive than Lorraine. I wasn't out in the audience but I never heard her from the stage, but I definitely heard other children/babies. So my question to you is....should I or shouldn't I have brought Lorraine.

Snugglie!

Lorraine absolutely loves to snuggle up with blankets. We play peek-a-boo all the time with her and she never gets sick of playing the game. Here are some pics from our recent game.

Post Comment

On the other post of today, I was going through a spell of out of control hormones. I realized with the help of my hubby that I probably was just really hormonal because I should be getting my period soon. SO don't worry about the last post :)

I feel the need to vent. I feel like a utter failure today. I bombed a piano test, couldn't get a thing right in aural skills, burned food, yelled at my husband and daughter, looked around my house to see every single room a complete disaster. I just feel awful. I can't do anything right. I can't provide any support financially to my family. I can't keep up with anything. I'm fat. I'm unattractive. I just hate myself right now. I can't do anything right. I just can't do anything right.

10 Honest Traits

I've been tagged to give 10 Honest Traits. So here it goes, I hope it is informative and interesting.

1. I love being a Mom! I was going to finish school and get started in my career before we began our family. I still want to be an orchestra teacher but I love being a Mom. I love when I get to stay home with Lorraine and play. I love having my daughter around to teach me patience. I love loving someone that much. I can't wait to have more children to join our family....but I don't know when that will happen.

2. I am a very picky eater, although, I've gotten better as I've gotten older. I hate so many foods it's ridiculous and I only like certain food items with certain food items. I.E.- I love fresh made salsa with lots of tomatoes, onions, cilantro, lemon, lime, etc. But I hate tomatoes and onions on my sandwich. I know it's weird but hey that's just me.

3. I am dreading my senior recital. I'm really worried that I am not advanced enough to play an upper-level college recital. I do not enjoy practicing because I get frustrated very easily. Plus, my life is so crazy that I don't have more than an hour, maybe two hours, a day to practice.

4. I am a highly disorganized person. I have been for my entire life. I can GET organized but it is so hard for me to STAY organized.

5. I habitually take on way too much and then give myself ulcers (well sometimes it feels like I give myself ulcers) trying to keep up with it all. Most of the time I have to drop something to make me less stressed.

6. I am naturally talented in learning about music but not actually applying it. I.E.- I can ace a music theory or music history exam but fail an aural skills (ear training). It is so contradictory. Oh and here is a kicker, I play viola which means that most of the part is harmony, very seldom do we actually get the melody, but I CANNOT for the life of me sing anything other than melody. It's rather annoying to me.

7. I am a very insecure person about my appearance. For a very long time, I have dealt with severe acne, dark facial and body hair, and stretch marks. The acne and hair are part of a biological problem, called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. However, the stretch marks on the other hand came at the end of middle school when I grew 6-8 inches in the matter of months. The result was that my skin couldn't handle the change and developed stretch marks on my inner thighs, ugh! Now that I've gained 25 lbs I am very insecure of my personal appearance. I am working to loose that weight though.

8. I am a very unmotivated and even somewhat lazy but also very active too. I get in funks where all I can do is sit on the couch. But on the next day, I will be running around all day and enjoying all the errands. I don't know how to explain it any better.

9. I love to listen to people's life stories. I love to hear how they grew up and what made them who they are. I love to listen to people's struggles just so that they can vent and get things off their chests. I love to help people get through emotional struggles. I am considering going into the military as a mental health assistant because I think I could help those going through so much mental disturbance because of what they've lived through, whether it be soldiers or spouses/family of loved ones lost. However, the training would take me away from my family for a good 6-8 months which is a big reason against going for it.

10. I have never been nor ever will be a social butterfly. I much prefer to have a few very close friends than have a hundred acquaintances. I never seem to get along with the social butterflies either. In fact, I had move out of my first room of college because I couldn't get along with my social butterfly roomates. Whenever I think of that situation it makes me cringe still.

Well, I hope this was fun to read! It definitely was fun to write.

Blast from the Past......

This is a progression of pictures as Lorraine got older. It's so amazing to me to see how little she once was. It seems almost unreal that she once wasn't talking or walking. I miss these days!

May 2008June 2008July 2008July 2008July 2008August 2008October 2008November 2008April 2009


I just cannot believe how much she has grown. She was so cute then but much cuter now. I don't know which age I like better, the more self-sufficient toddler or the ever cute infant. She wasn't a fussy babe so I really liked those days when she wasn't mobile and couldn't get into much trouble.

Drumroll Please.....The Test Results Are In

I've been thinking about how I would start this post for a week now, hopefully i can convey what I mean well.

For the last two months I thought I was surely pregnant because of an absence of two menstrual cycles. Yet, I never had a positive at-home pregnancy test. Last week, I visited my primary care physician to find out what was going on with my body. Her initial diagnosis without any tests was Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome(PCOS) based upon the symptoms I had. She took some blood for some tests to rule out anything else that might be causing an absence of menstruation and the results came back today. Everything came back negative. I don't have any thyroid or kidney problems, nor do I have diabetes and I am grateful for that. So her conclusion was PCOS. I might have had this years but never knew it.

PCOS is when many small benign cysts grow on the ovaries causing irregular or even absent menstruation. It also causes problems with hormones. Women with PCOS often have an increased androgen hormone like testestorone. That increase causes excessive facial hair growth and acne. Other symptoms include, weight gain, hair thinning on top of the head, and even an increased risk of developing Type 2 diabetes. Because of the irregularity/absence of menstruation, there is also irregular or absent ovulation. So now that you've all gotten a biology lesson, this is what I have.

I have had a lot of these symptoms since the onset of puberty at age 12. But just recently was the absence of menstruation one of them. It feels good to know that I am not just a freak with very dark facial hair but there is an actual biological reason. However, what I wasn't prepared for is the fact that it probably will be hard for me to conceive again without medical intervention. Imagine my reaction as a 22-year-old that I would likely need medically intervention to get pregnant again. I was in shock to find that infertility would be an issue. Frankly, Morgan and I have been trying to get pregnant for a couple months now and I thought I would have been pregnant with the first try. I was only off birth control pills less than a month when Lorraine was conceived so I thought it would be the same now.

So what now? I have a set of five progesterone pills to jumpstart my cycle again and hopefully that will do the trick. Morgan and I will keep trying to get pregnant and hopefully I will get pregnant without Clomid or some other super ovulatory drug. I am going to try and lose the 25 pounds I put on over the last 5-6 months. Hopefully, my body will just regulate itself again. Even though this is not what I wanted to hear, I am glad that I finally found out what is going on with my body. I am grateful that I know what I need to do. I just need to get to work and do what needs to be done.

Gratitude

I realized today that sometimes all I do is complain. I am grateful that I have a roof over my head and food to eat and the clothes I wear. I am grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ that teaches me to be humble. I am grateful that I am able to gain a college education even though it makes for interesting scheduling demands. I am grateful for my husband who cares for me probably more than I know. I am grateful for my temple marriage and that my family is sealed for all eternity provided that I do the work to receive that blessing. I am grateful for my little girl who tests my patience each and every day. I really don't know what I would do without her now. I am grateful for my parents that bestowed upon me wisdom and knowledge, who gave me the greatest childhood I could dream of. I only hope that I am half as good a parent as they are. I am grateful for my siblings even though they (and I) could be such a pain sometimes. My siblings stuck by my side and I love them. I am grateful for my mother-in-law and yes my father-in-law too, who both have been there to support me. I honestly love my mother-in-law and I really lucked out that I didn't have a monster-in-law. I love my visiting teachers who make the effort to come an visit me each and every month. I am grateful for their friendship and fellowship. I am grateful that she called me today when she didn't see me at stake conference to tell me what had happened. I am grateful most of all of my Savior, even Jesus Christ, who has enabled me to be better than I could have ever imagined. I am grateful for the chances He gives me when I screw things up. I am grateful for His hand when I fall. I am grateful for the peace He brings me when I am sad, angry, or upset. I am also grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who reassures me when I feel like I am lost. I am grateful to be a part of a Church that has the full and restored truth and has the restored priesthood that was used to build and create this Earth and was used by Christ himself. I am grateful that Morgan is an honorable priesthood holder. I have much to be grateful for, and could go on for pages but this is where I will end.

Morgan lost his job tonight.....

The Rug Pulled Out From Under Us.....AGAIN!

Yesterday, Morgan was to receive payment for the courses he developed this summer. He worked for a month and a half on them and only got $1000.00 for it. To top it off, though, someone in payroll didn't have their act together and didn't get the paperwork off on time so that Morgan could be paid. It was so frustrating to look at the bank account Friday morning, thinking that we would pay rent that day and not seeing the money that was supposed to be there. It is really upsetting counting on a paycheck that doesn't come. This very thing has happened to us so many times, we budget based upon paydays, and then the money doesn't come and we are sent scrambling to pay the bills. How am I supposed to make a budget when I don't know if the next paycheck is actually going to come? Thankfully we had friends that trusted us enough to let us borrow enough to cover our rent and we had enough in our account to cover the rest of the bills without us having to put ANY bills on the credit card. However, what are we going to do next month when Morgan's student loan repayment begins? That's an extra $250.oo a month we have to come up with. Morgan and I have a month to find another job that will pay the bills in an economy that only has fast food jobs available. It's not that I think I am "too good" for them but they get treated like crap. I just don't have the emotional strength to go through a fast food job being talked down to when I have a college education.

We are in a losing battle staying in Nowhere, VA. There are very few jobs available here. Morgan has applied almost everywhere. But we don't feel that it is time to leave yet, because the Lord is pushing me to finish school. So what must be done? I don't have the answer to that yet.

Pictures at the Park